This will perhaps be the most difficult post to write as it means revisiting old feelings and experiences, however I feel like it is the right time for me to express this and also if someone happens to stumble upon this post and it helps them in anyway no matter how small then that can only be a good thing.
I had known for a long time after having my daughter that I did not feel like myself / did not feel 'right' however I would always put this down to other factors mainly resulting in me blaming myself and in turn I would feel worse. Its actually really difficult to know where to begin with this post, and as I am typing I am already trying to think of ways to make it as brief as possible, but this would be missing the point! To summarize, I only actually got diagnosed with Post Natal Depression (sometimes Ante Natal Depression) after my daughter was 2 and a half years old, that is a long time I was suffering and it was fair to say I was at breaking point when I walked into the doctors surgery. I had made numerous appointments over the previous 2 years with the Doctor but had always pulled out of attending, the reasons for this is I didn't feel like I was worth enough and that the Doctor would tell me I was being a stupid girl and rush me out of there. It really is a vicious cycle.
Worthlessness, for me, was one of the main issues I struggled with. Even to a certain extent now I still have these feelings, but as I now know it is an ongoing journey. I felt that I was a failure at life, at being a mum, at being a partner, at being a friend and that everything was MY fault. One of the worst things about this is every tiny thing that anything may say to you ,whether meant in a positive way or even just a passing comment, reinforces all of these negative opinions that you have about yourself and in turn just adds to the feeling and belief that you are worth nothing. This affected all of the relationships in my life some of which I lost and some that survived.
Over worrying and over thinking things is something that gladly I have quite a good handle on now, but it can be crippling when it consumes you. There were many many times that I remember physically not being able to get off of the sofa for an entire day due to an emptiness that cannot be explained.
When I eventually visited the Doctor it all came spilling out very emotionally and probably did not make a lot of sense! which is absolutely fine I now realize. The Doctor diagnosed me with having post natal depression that had been left untreated for 2 years and had developed. I was prescribed with Anti Depressants and initially sleeping tablets as I was not getting any sleep, and referred for counselling. Combined, the anti depressants and the counselling have helped me so so much, I think the 2 things really do go hand in hand. It is hard work from you yourself and I do believe you have to be 100% committed and 100% WANT to get better.
What I would like to say to anybody going through anything like this is please please do get help you are worth the help and nobody will judge you and you will be taken seriously. There is nothing wrong with how you are feeling, it is simply a chemical imbalance in your brain that CAN be corrected, dont get me wrong it is a long and difficult process / journey but can be done and you are 100% deserving of feeling ok again.
There is lots and lots more to this that, but I think I will update this post in manageable chunks so as not to overload myself or anyone who may be reading. But please, if you stumble upon this blog post and need someone to talk to dont be afraid to get in contact.
Love, Kim x
I had known for a long time after having my daughter that I did not feel like myself / did not feel 'right' however I would always put this down to other factors mainly resulting in me blaming myself and in turn I would feel worse. Its actually really difficult to know where to begin with this post, and as I am typing I am already trying to think of ways to make it as brief as possible, but this would be missing the point! To summarize, I only actually got diagnosed with Post Natal Depression (sometimes Ante Natal Depression) after my daughter was 2 and a half years old, that is a long time I was suffering and it was fair to say I was at breaking point when I walked into the doctors surgery. I had made numerous appointments over the previous 2 years with the Doctor but had always pulled out of attending, the reasons for this is I didn't feel like I was worth enough and that the Doctor would tell me I was being a stupid girl and rush me out of there. It really is a vicious cycle.
Worthlessness, for me, was one of the main issues I struggled with. Even to a certain extent now I still have these feelings, but as I now know it is an ongoing journey. I felt that I was a failure at life, at being a mum, at being a partner, at being a friend and that everything was MY fault. One of the worst things about this is every tiny thing that anything may say to you ,whether meant in a positive way or even just a passing comment, reinforces all of these negative opinions that you have about yourself and in turn just adds to the feeling and belief that you are worth nothing. This affected all of the relationships in my life some of which I lost and some that survived.
Over worrying and over thinking things is something that gladly I have quite a good handle on now, but it can be crippling when it consumes you. There were many many times that I remember physically not being able to get off of the sofa for an entire day due to an emptiness that cannot be explained.
When I eventually visited the Doctor it all came spilling out very emotionally and probably did not make a lot of sense! which is absolutely fine I now realize. The Doctor diagnosed me with having post natal depression that had been left untreated for 2 years and had developed. I was prescribed with Anti Depressants and initially sleeping tablets as I was not getting any sleep, and referred for counselling. Combined, the anti depressants and the counselling have helped me so so much, I think the 2 things really do go hand in hand. It is hard work from you yourself and I do believe you have to be 100% committed and 100% WANT to get better.
What I would like to say to anybody going through anything like this is please please do get help you are worth the help and nobody will judge you and you will be taken seriously. There is nothing wrong with how you are feeling, it is simply a chemical imbalance in your brain that CAN be corrected, dont get me wrong it is a long and difficult process / journey but can be done and you are 100% deserving of feeling ok again.
There is lots and lots more to this that, but I think I will update this post in manageable chunks so as not to overload myself or anyone who may be reading. But please, if you stumble upon this blog post and need someone to talk to dont be afraid to get in contact.
Love, Kim x
The fruity stone Krispies cannabis edibles are another type of cannabis eatable. revolax fillerThese rice rocks are made through Marijuana or Marijuana spread.
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