I have again left a big gap between part 1 of this and part 2 but hey ho, all in good time !
Picking up from where part 1 left off (part1) I want to explore more of the things that helped me in a major way and hopefully this could help someone feeling similar or give some ideas to help or even just spark a bit of hope in someone who is feeling hopeless (I know this feeling oh to well, you’re not alone)
Counselling -
There are many different types of counselling and it really is an individual thing/choice as to which is most suitable for you. I had one to one counselling based on CBT which I believe the basis is to help you be able retrain your brain to manage and control the unwelcome thoughts. I was so nervous at first and was still having all the negative and unworthy thoughts about attending but i ending up really looking forward to my sessions. One of the most challenging but most rewarding parts is the ‘homework’, for example my therapist would set tasks that I would have to do before my next session to push my comfort zone and break through some of the boundaries that I had created in my mind. These were simple tasks such as going for a run on my own or going to a yoga class by myself. Activities that the ‘before’ me wouldn’t of blinked twice at but had become crippling. Completing these taught me that I could do these things and slowly you begin to feel less worthless and even proud of yourself.
And I came to realise that often the thought of doing something is worse then the actual doing of it. Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t easy and the first time of breaking through and doing these things were highly emotional. I took a hot yoga class as one of my ‘missions’ (which by the way I would HIGHLY recommend) and the first class I ended up in floods of tears and even had to detour on my way home to a family members to calm myself down.
But perhaps as painful as it is to listen and acknowledge our inner thoughts and feelings it was obviously exactly what I needed and ended up being a major release. I came to love these hot yoga sessions even if some of them did evoke an emotional response. Another example was running by myself. The particular barrier I had about this was that I can’t go by myself and the focus become on how I had no one to go with meaning I must be unlikeable and therefore lonely and worthless (the cycle continues)
It almost makes me laugh now to think back and picture myself running along the river with tears flowing down my cheeks - but that is exactly what happened , but it ended up being liberating and helped immensely with proving my negative thoughts wrong.
Self Help -
My counsellor would give me print outs to take home and read in my own time to reinforce the methods we would discuss in our meetings. A lot of these were from the following self help website. There are articles and documents for various mental health topics it’s worth a browse and some of the print outs I still refer to now. So this did play a big part of my recovery and still does now.
Meditation -
This ties in with the hot yoga as part of the yoga classes is meditation. I had totally lost touch with myself throughout this stage of my life and meditation was something I used to do a lot and found beneficial before. So to be able to re discover it was a major help. Even just it’s it’s something as simple as reminding yourself to breathe , you can be surprised at how often you can almost forget to breathe properly as our minds are so preoccupied with other things. So even as a beginning I would suggest just taking a minute to remind yourself to breathe and really feel each breathe and notice the benefits of expelling all the old breathe in your lungs and consciously breathing in a new breathe. Even as I’m reading this back a part of me is cringing as it can sound very cringy. But give it a go !
Self Care -
I think this often isn’t purely about what you decide to do but more the fact that you are doing something for yourself. For example as shallow as it may seem my self care during this time turned out to be getting my eyelash extensions done and the odd sunbed session ! But as I say I don’t think it’s too much the focus on the particular activity that benefits us it’s the action of taking that time for yourself and feeling no guilt with doing so and putting yourself first for a change. But those two treatments really helped to reinforce that it’s ok to do nice things for yourself. Coincidentally both of these things involve laying down with my eyes shut and no phones or distractions so in hindsight perhaps that played quite a big part too. So whatever version of self care you choose to exercise I believe just simply taking time for yourself to do something that makes you feel good with no external distractions or judgements has an amazingly positive effect.
I think I will wrap up part 2 for now and pick up soon (or not!) with part 3
Love, Kim xxx
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